Love, Ink, and Candy
by SylvaDragon
Summary: Who would have thought that a simple poem could cause such chaos, Albus only wanted to express his love. He didn't expect what happened next. A humourous Minerva and Albus story, caused by a random plot bunny attack. Please read and review.
1. Chapter 1

Love, Ink, and Candy

Chapter One

Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts, sat at his desk, an expression of deep concentration on his face. A roll of parchment lay open in front of him, Albus had decided to write a poem to his love. The flames in the fireplace flickered softly, casting a warm glow over the room. Albus sucked absentmindedly on his quill, as he sought for inspiration.

"ack, pooh, yuck !" Albus coughed slightly, as he realised he'd accidentally sucked on the wrong end of his quill. Ink tasted nearly as bad as vomit flavoured Bertie Botts Beans, he decided. For a few minutes Albus was distracted, by the idea of making lemon drop flavoured ink. Why you could have a whole range of different flavoured inks, hot chocolate for example, maybe with whipped cream floating in it. Albus's eyes twinkled merrily, the students would love it, he wasn't so sure about the professors though. After all if everyone kept drinking the ink, not much work would get done.

Suddenly Albus remembered that he was meant to be writing a poem to express his love. For a while he sat, fingers intwined, deep in thought, then began to write -

_You are my passion, my love,_

_My love for you is eternal._

_I carry you with me where ever I go,_

_I adore and treasure you,_

_My sweet ..._

A familliar knock on the door interrupted Albus, before he could write more. Glancing at the cuckoo clock on the wall, he realised it was time for his nightly chess game with Minerva.

Albus smiled fondly, as he said. "Come in Minerva."

"How do you always know it's me ?" Minerva asked, as she entered the room.

"You have a certain way of knocking, that is most distinctive." Albus answered, his eyes sparkling, as he noticed how beautifull she looked tonight.

Minerva smiled tenderly, as she noticed an ink blot on the end of his crooked nose, surpressed an urge to whip out a hankie, and wipe it off. "I see you have been writing, Albus. If you are busy we can always postpone our game."

"You are most perceptive, my dear Minerva. I have indeed been writing, but not a school matter." Albus blushed slightly, as he continued. "I have been writing a poem."

"I didn't know you wrote poetry, Albus." Minerva couldn't keep the astonishement out of her voice, she had thought she knew everything about Albus.

Albus looked even more embarrassed, as he answered quietly. "I have never done so before ... this is my first attempt ...I thought I would try my hand at it. It's not very good, I'm sure."

"Nonsence Albus, you know perfectly well, that you do everything you try extremely well. I'm sure it's very good indeed." Before Albus could stop her, Minerva had reached across the desk, and picked up the parchment. "Do you mind if I read it ?" Minerva asked, taking Albus's silence for agreement, Minerva started to read the parchment.

"Oh Albus." Minerva cooed in delight. "Oh Albus, my darling, I never guessed you felt the same as me ..."

Next thing Albus knew, Minerva had flung herself onto his lap, and was kissing him passionately, her lips were soft and warm on his mouth. Albus lost all track of time, didn't know how long she kissed him for, only knew it was the most wonderful, blissful feeling.

Finally Minerva stopped kissing him, and started to babble excitedly, about how she must just go and tell Poppy, because Poppy had been desperate for them to get together, for ages and ages. Albus was too enraptured, by how warm, light, and absolutely right she felt, as she sat on his knee, her hand softly caressing his hair, to answer her.

"I'll be back very soon, my darling." Minerva whispered, and kissed him softly on the cheek.

As the door closed behind Minerva, Albus still sat motionless. He'd never been kissed in such a way before, still felt a little dazed, as though coming out of some wonderful, enchanting dream.

The sarcastic tones of Phineus Nigellus interrupted his reverie. "You'd better hope that she never finds out, that the poem wasn't about her, but about lemon drops."

"WHAT ?!" Minerva's enraged yell echoed round the office, till the entire room seemed full of sound.

_Author's notes_

_There will be a chapter two of this story, hopefully in a few days. It may become a longer story, either way the emphasis will be very much on humour. So how many people were surprised to discover what his poem was really about ? Grins evily. _

_Don't blame me, blame the plot bunnies ;) There I was wandering along minding my own business, when one of them tripped me up and planted this idea in my head. Where it promptly grew. ;) _


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Albus Dumbledore was utterly lost for words, mouth opening and closing rather like a fish out of water. One minute he'd been in heaven, now he was being yelled at in his own office.

"WELL ?!" Minerva bellowed, the paintings on the walls trembled slightly, as the noise reverberated round the room. One even fell off the wall, landing with a loud bump in a dusty corner, causing it's occupant to wake with a start, and say ouch loudly. Albus stared at Minerva, horrified and dumbfounded, her furious gaze demanded an answer, a response.

"I ...I ... thought you were going to see Poppy .." Was all Albus could think to say.

"I changed my mind." Thundered Minerva, "I decided Poppy could wait. Is this true Albus ? Is the poem really about lemon drops ?"

Just as he was about to answer, Albus was distracted by the strange antics, of two of the paintings on his wall. Phineus Nigellus was making strange cutting motions across his throat, and shaking his head. Armando Dippet looked as though he was trying to speak, but no words could be heard. Could paintings become ill, Albus wondered.

"Phineus ? Armando ? Are you all right ? Are you unwell ?" Albus asked in a worried tone of voice.

Minerva had turned to glare at the paintings, with her eyes on them, neither one dared to answer Albus's query. Instead Phineus was rolling his eyes at the ceiling, and muttering under his breath. While Armando had his head in his hands, and was groaning. Albus grew even more concerned, as he watched them. Suddenly there was a sneeze from the corner, spinning round, Albus saw the inhabitant of the portrait that had fallen from the wall earlier, wiping his nose and sniffing. What if the paintings had some kind of virus, he'd never heard of such a thing before, but anything was possible.

"Perhaps I should call Madame Pomfrey, I'm not sure if she's ever healed paintings before, but perhaps she could try." Albus said, a note of growing worry in his normally calm voice.

"Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, you stop trying to evade my question, and answer me this instant." Minerva commanded, glaring at him with fire in her eyes.

"Really Minerva, I assure you that I am not trying to evade anything. I am simply concerned that the paintings may be unwell." As he answered, Albus wished that Minerva would stop glaring at him. He found it most un-nerving, and felt rather like a naughty child caught doing something wrong.

"There is no need for concern, Albus, we are perfectly well." Armando Dippet spoke softly, from his portrait. "I really think you have more pressing matters to deal with ..." Armando looked desperately as though he wanted to say more, but with Minerva's piercing gaze still upon him, he remained silent.

"If someone could possibly hang me back on my wall, it's terribly dusty down here." Came a voice from the corner, followed by another sneeze.

"Of course, of course." Albus answered vaguely, his main awareness on Minerva's furious gaze, and with a wave of his wand the painting flew back to it's original place on the wall.

Minerva was now tapping her foot, arms folded across her chest, and staring at him with what looked like an unspoken threat in her eyes. Albus began to realise why students in her classes were always so well behaved, as he started to feel distinctly uneasy about answering her.

Albus spoke softly, as he finally answered Minerva's question. "I am sorry Minerva, but the poem was about lemon drops ..." Sensing an imminent volcanic eruption of fury from Minerva, Albus quickly said, "But if I had known that you wanted me to write a poem about you then, of course i would have done so."

As the inhabitants of the portraits heard Albus say this, several of them groaned in despair, some of the women sighed and rolled their eyes. While Phineus said to no one in particular, "He really has no idea how to treat women, does he !"

"Did you know that the lemon drops wanted a poem when you wrote them one ?" Minerva snapped, her voice like the crack of a whip. Then answered her own question "NO! of course you didn't, and That Albus Dumbledore is the whole point !"

For a second or two Albus stared at her baffled, "but ... but I love you far more than lemon drops my ..."

"You dare to compare me to mere Candy ?!" Minerva interupted, her voice full of rage.

"No ... no ...of course not ..." Albus was beginning to think that everything he said just made things worse.

"I am going to get you for this, Albus Dumbledore." Minerva's tone was threatening, and filled Albus with a sense of impending doom.

For a second, Minerva fixed Albus with a furious gaze. Then turned and stormed from the room, slamming the door loudly. As the door slammed behind Minerva, there was a thud, as the same painting fell off the wall once more, and a plaintive voice came from the corner. "I Do wish she would stop doing that."

For a few minutes, silence filled the office, as Albus stood, seemingly stunned, gazing at the door, almost as if he hoped that Minerva would change her mind and return.

"We tried to tell you, you know..." The exasperrated voice of Phineus Nigellus interrupted Albus's thoughts.

"You mean you wanted me to lie to Minerva ?" Albus asked, looking at Phineus and Armando with a piercing gaze.

"Naturally, how else would one deal with an enraged female." Phineus answered.

"I do think it would have been for the best dear boy." Armando Dippet, Albus's ex headmaster, agreed quietly.

"Well why didn't you say so then ?" Albus queried. "Instead of waving your arms around, and making me think you were ill."

Phineus looked at Albus as though he was an idiot, then spoke very slowly and clearly, as though explaining something to a particularly dense child. "Because then she would have known that you were lying."

"No, she would not." Albus replied firmly.

For a second, Phineus looked at Albus, as though he was beginning to doubt his sanity, then just as he opened his mouth to speak. Albus continued, "Even if you had advised me to lie to her, I would not have done so. I have never lied to Minerva before, and have no intention of starting now."

"More fool you then" Snapped Phineus, and stalked out of his painting, with his nose in the air.

Armando seemed preoccupied with something on his desk, and looked slightly shamefaced.

"Armando ?" Albus queried, "You always taught me to tell the truth, surely you cannot think it acceptable to lie to Minerva ?"

Armando sighed slightly before answering, "My dear boy, have you never heard the saying, 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.'

As Albus remembered the fury he had seen in Minerva's eyes, he felt his blood run cold. Maybe, just this once he should have lied, then she might have been still here kissing him.

Absently Albus reached for a lemon drop, he may not have Minerva, but at least he still had lemon drops. As the sweet started to dissolve in his mouth, Albus's face wrinkled in disgust, his lemon drop tasted of pickled cabbage and sour cream. Must be a bad batch he thought as he spat the candy into his hankie, and opened a new tin. The next one tasted even worse, reminding him of rotten eggs and ear wax, and Albus began to feel slightly queasy. Just then, he noticed Minerva's face glowering at him from the fireplace, there was a gleam of triumph in her eyes, and the hint of a wicked grin on her face.

"This is only the beginning Albus Dumbledore." She said, a distinct note of implied threat in her voice. "By the time I've finished with you, you're going to be sorry, very very sorry indeed."

With those words she vanished, before Albus had a chance to tell her that he was already very sorry, and longed to be kissed by her, even more than he longed for a lemon drop that actually tasted of lemon.

_Author's Notes_

_There will be more of this story, chapter 3 is almost done. I hope, and think, it's funnier than this chapter, I laughed alot writing it, but I have a weird sense of humour. ;) Well, I guess Albus is really in trouble, rubs hands in glee :D I have rough notes, ideas for a couple more chapters, it's just a case of when inspiration comes. And what evil plans Minerva comes up with. ;)  
_

_Yeah, I know bad tasting lemon drops is kind of weak, but as Minerva herself says, This is only the beginning._ _The site is playing me up like mad lately, ads keep crashing my browser, anyone have any solutions, please mail me. Thanks to everyone who reviews, reviews make authors days, so please review. _


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Albus was getting desperate, he hadn't had a single lemon drop since the previous day. Minerva had been as good as her word, that the foul tasting lemon drops were only the beginning. She had since jinxed all of his other tins of lemon drops so that they scuttled away from him, on little tiny legs, and hid whenever he tried to eat one. Magic had utterly failed to work, as Albus had expected it would.

Albus had also tried coaxing the lemondrops out of hiding. He'd spent over an hour kneeling on the floor, making encouraging noises and wriggling his fingers at them, but they'd simply made faces at him and retreated even deeper into hiding. Now he'd decided to try sneaking up on them. So pretending to be browsing his book collection, Albus slowly got closer and closer, to the table a large tin of candy had taken refuge under. When Albus thought he was within reach, he bent and swooped out an arm. Unfortunately his robe caught on the table, he tripped over the books he'd just dropped, and banged his nose hard on the fireplace, before landing in a large pile of dust. For several minutes Albus sat on the floor, alternatively rubbing his nose and sneezing violently, he would have given anythng for a lemon drop right now.

"You know," Said Phineus Nigellus mischieviously, "Those lemon drops don't look that fast to me, if you were to scare them out of hiding, I'm quite sure you could soon catch them."

"Oh, do you think so ?" Albus asked eagerly, normally he might have suspected that Phineus's advice wasn't genuine, but the absence of lemon drops was affecting him rather badly.

"Absolutely, I'm quite sure that speed is the answer." Phineus said, from his painting, eyes agleem with the chance of more entertainment. "All you need to do is use a little magic to block their hiding places, and then off you go. You should be able to easily catch them."

For a couple of minutes, Albus seemed to be considering Phineus's advice, and then he walked up to the chair a tin of candy was hiding under, said "BOO !" loudly and clapped his hands. Instantly the tin lept in the air and zoomed out of hiding. With a flick of his wand, Albus cast a blocking spell on all possible hiding places, then started to chase after the lemon drops, holding his robes above the ground, so he wouldn't trip over them.

Albus spent the next few minutes whizzing round his office, desperately trying to catch his lemon drops. No matter how fast he went, the candy was quicker, and Albus was starting to feel the effects of such unaccustomed exertion. The paintings on the wall were urging him on, and Phineus was asking if anyone fancied a bet on who would win.

"My moneys on Dumbledore." Stated one of the portraits.

"Rubbish." Said a rather stern looking lady, "Those lemon drops are too small and nippy."

"I agree." A rosy cheeked, rather portly man concurred, "Dumbledore is definately tiring, he has no chance."

Albus Dumbledore, was indeed tiring, though very healthy, he was not used to such exercise, and was feeling more and more out of breath.

The dark figure of Severus Snape stalked along the passage leading to Dumbledore's tower, he wished to speak to the headmaster about his potions class.

As Severus knocked on the door of Dumbledore's office, he was mystified to hear strange sounds coming from within. When Severus's knock on the door went unanswered, he opened the door to see the headmaster kneeling on the floor. Dumbledore's hat had fallen off, his glasses were askew, and he was panting for breath.

Severus looked at Albus, in astonishment and concern, then asked. "Albus are you all right ?"

"I ...I ...can't catch them ... too fast..." Panted Albus.

"Catch what ?" Severus asked, looking round bewildered, he couldn't see anything which Albus might be chasing.

"My lemondrops." Albus answered, as if it made perfect sense.

For a moment Severus was speechless, as he stared at Albus, as if he had finally lost his mind. "What ?" he said eventually.

"My lemondrops. I'm trying to catch them." Albus repeated, looking at Snape as though he was slightly dense.

Severus wasn't very good at soothing, but he tried his best to put on a soothing voice, suitable for someone who might be crazy, and asked. "Are they running away then ?"

"Naturally they are." Snapped an exasperrated Albus. "Otherwise I wouldn't be chasing them, would I ?"

"Would you like to sit down Albus ?" Snape asked, wondering if he should send for Madame Pomfrey.

"No ! I'd like a lemondrop, but Minerva won't let me have any." Albus answered, looking rather like a puppy that is deprived of it's favourite toy.

"Oh." said Severus, who was growing more and more convinced that Albus had finally gone mad. "Is Minerva running away too ?"

It was now Albus's turn to look at Severus as if he were insane. Albus's patience was thin, he was in an unusually bad mood. His knees and nose hurt, he had dust in his beard, and it felt as if a spider might have taken up residence in his left ear. Add to that he hadn't had a lemondrop in over a day, and was missing their normal calming effect on him. He'd tried sucking other sweets, but it just wasn't the same. So, uncharacteristically he snapped. "Don't be ridiculous, Severus. Do you see her here anywhere ?"

Severus chose his words with care, as he answered. "I don't know. Do you see Minerva here ?"

Albus glared at Severus irrately, as he asked. "What are you talking about, Severus ?"

Severus was beginning to feel that he really didn't know what he was talking about either, as he glared back at Albus. Sensing an imminent disagreement, Armando Dippet decided to intervene.

"Perhaps I should explain ..." Armando said in what he hoped was a calming tone of voice.

"I wish someone would. " Severus and Albus both said.

Armando Dippet did his best to explain, despite being distracted by the way Severus kept rolling his eyes, and muttering "Crazy ...they're all completely crazy." under his breath.

Once Armando had finished explaining, Severus rolled his eyes again, sighed heavily and said, "This is absolute nonsence, what about your secret stash of lemon drops, the one you made last christmas ?"

"Secret stash," Said Albus as if trying to remember, "I do recall something like that, if only i could remeber where ..."

"Oh honestly !" Severus muttered, and swept across the room to one of the bookcases, where he ran a pale lanky finger along the dusty books, and finally withdrew a thick book bound in leather with a yellow spine. Opening it revealed a large hole in the centre of the book, and in it was a giant tin of lemon drops. As Severus reached out a hand to the tin, it began to growl and snarl threateningly at him.

"I really don't think thats a good idea, Severus." Albus said, looking rather worried.

"Nonsence, it wouldn't dare ..." Snape said firmly, and shot out a hand to grab the tin. "Ouch ! It bit me." He said indignantly, looking at the blood that spurted from the wound. As Severus sucked his finger ruefully, the tin of lemondrops took the chance to make it's escape, and join the others in hiding.

"Never mind Severus, it was a good idea. Now may I suggest you pay Madame Pomfrey a visit ?" Albus said softly.

"What ! and tell her I was bitten by a lemon drop, it'd be all round the school within hours, I'd never live it down." Severus replied, examining his finger with disgust. "I have a potion in my rooms which should heal it."

As the door closed behind Severus, Albus thought he heard a familliar and much loved laugh coming from the other side of the room. Turning he saw no one there, but he was convinced that he had heard Minerva's laugh. A large emerald green bottle that stood on one of the many tables, caught his attention, he had never seen this bottle before, he was sure of it. As Albus moved towards the bottle, he thought he saw Minerva's characteristic features in it's glossy side, was almost certain that her face was grinning at him from the bottle, heard the same familliar laugh again, but fainter than before. Then it struck him, of course Minerva was highly skilled in transfiguration, obviously she had assumed the form of the bottle, and used it to check how well her plan was succeeding.

"Minerva, my darling," Albus said to the emerald bottle, "I do wish you would forgive me, my love. Being kissed by you was the most wonderful expeirience ever." Albus resisted, with difficulty, an urge to reach out and caress the bottle. Staring at it intently, he no longer saw the face of his love in it, all it seemed to be now was a bottle, just an ordinary bottle. Albus knew that most likely Minerva had somehow apparated back to her rooms, leaving only the bottle behind, but he was a desperate man, desperate to win Minerva's heart and earn her forgiveness. So he spent the next few minutes telling the bottle how much he loved and adored it, how beautifull in every way he thought it, hoping that Minerva might somehow be able to hear him. Albus was so focused on the bottle and his words of endearment, that he utterly failed to notice the head of Cornelius Fudge, Minister for Magic, poking out of his fireplace. Fudge watched speechless for several minutes, he had always thought Dumbledore a little crazy, but was dumbfounded and baffled to see him expressing his adoration of an ordinary green bottle.

Finally Fudge found his voice, "I'm sure it's a very nice bottle Albus, but do you really need to tell it so ?" He gasped.

"I'm telling Minerva I love her, not the bottle." Albus said as if that made absolute sense.

"Oh" Fudge said, beginning to wonder if Albus was hallucinating. "Is Minerva in the bottle then ?"

"No." Snapped Albus, who was starting to feel that the conversation had a familliar feel. He was also well aware that Fudge was staring at him as if he was insane, and was getting rather tired of people looking at him like that, so he couldn't resist the temptation to make an uncharacteristic response. "And she isn't running round the room either, and I'm not chasing her either. Oh, and just in case you're wondering, yes I am perfectly insane, have been for years. Surprised you didnt notice sooner actually."

For a second there was silence. "I ... I... I think I'll just come back another day." Fudge stuttered, and his face vanished rapidly from the fireplace.

Albus couldn't help but feel a mischevious delight, at the expression on Fudges face. Of course he'd have to apologise in a day or two, take him out for lunch at the Hogshead or something, but it was worth it. Albus's eyes twinkled merrily and without thinking he reached for a lemondrop, then he remembered, and sighed heavily. He missed his lemon drops so much, he missed Minerva's kisses even more, couldn't stop thinking abut how wonderful her lips on his had felt.

_Author's Notes_

_Thanks to everyone for all the reviews, it's wonderful to have reviews, so please review. :)_

_Well that chapter was really hard to write, phew. lol. Some bits were pure inspiration, such as the dialogue between Severus and Albus, the rest was just hard work. It's easy to write when the words flow, other times I struggle to express what I see. _

_I had a lot of problems trying to work out how to do the Minerva spying on Albus thing, I hope it works well.  
_

_I do intend to write more of this story, I still need to get them together somehow, but all I have now is visions of what happens next and a couple of paragraphs of rough notes. So, it might take a while, I have the end sort of done, but not the middle. I must be crazy to have two multi chapter fics on the go at once lol. And poor old Severus suffers even more, by the time it's over he's going to be thouroughly sick of lemondrops, Minerva and Albus. I love being evil to Severus, such a good 'target'. ;)  
_

_Hope everyone got my weird sense of humour. ;) _


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

That night Albus dreamed of lemon drops, at first he was chasing them in desperate circles. Then they turned, and with fiercesome looks on their faces, started to chase him, screaming in blood curdling voices, about how they wanted to turn him into candy. Suddenly Minerva swooped down on her broomstick, dressed in her old quidditch uniform, and rescued him, then kissed him passionately. When Albus woke up, he was holding his pillow in a tender embrace, and kissing it passionately. He wouldn't have minded so much, but it was very dusty, and he had to spend several minutes picking dust, and feathers, out of his teeth.

The next day, at breakfast in the great hall, all Albus could do was look at Minerva with longing on his face, and the light of love in his sparkling eyes. Minerva wore an emerald green robe and hat, which matched her eyes perfectly, a wisp of raven black hair showed beneath her hat. As Albus gazed at her enraptured by her elegance and beauty, he could only imagine how lovely she would look with her hair down. For a moment, he was tempted to cast a spell to free her hair, to tumble around her shoulders, but he knew it would only embarrass and anger her. He noticed how her lips shimmered, like red rose petals touched with morning dew, and longed to feel their caress on his mouth again. Albus couldn't help but adore Minerva with his eyes.

At the Gryffindor table, Harry Potter nudged Ron Weasley, and said. "Look at Dumbledore staring at McGonagall, I reckon he fancies her."

"Get real." Ron laughed. "Dumbledore's too old for things like that."

"I dunno..." Muttered Harry. "I'm sure he's in love with her, wouldn't it be cool if ..."

"You're dreaming mate, it's never going to happen." Ron answered.

Albus's attention was suddenly distracted by what was on the table in front of him. Instead of his normal bowl of chocolate sugar puffs, there was a vast bowl of gleaming, delicious looking lemon drops. Albus utterly failed to notice the mischevious glint in Minerva's eyes as she watched him, or the way she nudged Poppy, and they both grinned. Albus could feel his taste buds almost weeping in anticipation. He picked up his spoon eagerly, and took a vast mouthful of lemon drops, an expression of expectant delight on his face. Suddenly his expression changed to one of abject disappointment. He didn't have a vast mouthful of lemon drops, instead it was a mouthful of plain boring wholewheat cereal, and it didn't even have any sugar on it. Valiantly Albus continued to chew, though the expression of disgust on his face grew. Further along the table Minerva, Poppy, and Rolanda Hooch were in fits of barely controlled giggles, while the students looked curiously at the staff table, and wondered what was going on.

Mournfuly Albus finished his bowl of cereal. He would have loved to transfigure it into something tastier, but didn't quite dare to do so, with Minerva's eyes upon him. As he ate the rest of his meal, he could hear Minerva, Poppy, and Rolanda whispering from their seats, by the way they kept looking at him, he knew that doubtless Minerva had more plans for him. Albus sighed slightly, she certainly was inventive. As breakfast drew to a close, Albus slipped along the table, to where Minerva was just about to rise from her chair.

"A very clever trick my dear, and most amusing I'm sure." Albus said softly, with a twinkle in his eyes. "I must congratulate you on your cleverness so far, and your imagination, but how much longer do you intend to torment me in this way ? Not only am I deprived of my lemon drops, but I am also deprived of your kisses, and that my love is far far worse."

Minerva was tempted to forgive Albus. He looked so forlorn, like a puppy wanting a hug, but Poppy and Rolanda would never let her live it down, if she let Albus off the hook so easily. So Minerva put on her most stern face, and glared at Albus as though he was a first year Gryffindor who'd just broken a rule.

"Don't you try and charm me with those sugary words Albus Dumbledore, it isn't going to work." Minerva said, in the most fiercesome and determined voice she could muster. "And you can stop twinkling at me as well, it has absolutely no effect on me." Minerva knew that Albus probably knew that she was lying. She always had found his twinkle utterly irrisistable in every way, it was a twinkle that could melt her heart at 20 paces, but she wasn't going to let him know that - not yet anyway.

"But Minerva, I am not trying to charm you, not at all ..." Albus said, looking at her with eyes full of love and pleading.

"Of course you are." Minerva stated firmly. "Just like you twinkle on purpose, oh yes you do, don't play innocent with me. I'm absolutely convinced that you twinkle deliberately when it suits you." Minerva wasn't really totally convinced of this, but she did have her suspicions.

As Albus stared at her, unsure how to respond to her accusation, Minerva stuck her nose in the air, and swept off majestically down the hall. Just as she was about to go out of the door, she turned, looked back at Albus, and said. "You'll not get a single lemon drop untill I decide you've learned your lesson Albus Dumbledore."

Albus groaned, this was his second day without lemon drops, he knew it was silly, ridiculous even, but it was sheer torture being without them. When would Minerva relent ? _'I have to win her and my lemon drops back.' _he said to himself. He was a determined man, a desperate man, desperate for lemon drops, and the blissfull kisses of his one true love.

As Severus Snape left the great hall, after breakfast, he found Albus standing in the entrance hall, staring into the mirror by the door, with a fixed expression on his face. As Severus watched, Albus started to close his eyes, and then open them again. He did this several times, with a worried intent expression on his face.

"What are you doing Albus ?" Severus asked, unable to contain his curiosity any longer.

"I'm trying to stop twinkling." Albus answered seriously.

Severus groaned, why was it that every conversation he had with Albus recently was so confusing ? He made a mental note to stop asking Albus what he was doing, perhaps it would be best to just stop asking questions altogether. So Severus said nothing, and hoped that Albus would change the subject, or better yet, go and find someone else to inflict his eccentricitys on.

"Do you think I twinkle deliberately ?" Albus asked thoughtfully.

Severus sighed, it seemed there was no avoiding the insanity, that seemed to be pervading Hogwarts these days. Hogwarts was normally a little crazy, but things recently had been even crazier, than the normal Hogwarts insanity.

"If you were twinkling deliberately, wouldn't you know you were doing it ?" Severus said, eventually

"I don't know." Albus replied. "Minerva seems to think that I twinkle on purpose, but if I am, then I don't know that I am, unless I'm doing it without knowing I'm doing it ..." Albus stopped, and looked utterly baffled.

"If you were doing it without knowing you were doing it, then you wouldn't be doing it on purpose would you ?" Said Severus logically.

"Really Severus, you're just confusing me now." Albus snapped, he really was becoming increasingly irritable, without his normal soothing lemon drops.

"I don't have time for this, I have a potions class to teach." Severus snapped back.

As Severus turned to go down the stairs to his dungeons, his attention was caught by Albus, who was spinning in circles in front of the mirror. Occasionally Albus would stop, and gaze at his reflection, then start spinning again. Snape's mouth fell open in shock as he watched Albus's antics. Albus seemed to have grown bored of going round and round. Now he kept turning his back on the mirror, taking a few steps, then jumping round to peer at himself intently.

_'Don't ask, just dont ask.' _Severus told himself frantically. _'You'll regret it if you do.' _He couldn't resist his curiousity any longer though, he just had to ask.

"What in Merlin's name are you doing now ?" Severus asked irritably.

"Trying to catch myself twinkling of course." Albus answered matter of factly.

Severus groaned in despair, he knew he shouldn't have asked. "Thats it ! I give up." Severus growled and stalked off, his cloak billowing blackly around him.

"Give up on what, my dear Severus ? Severus ?" Although Severus had heard Albus's mystified voice, he pretended he hadn't heard and carried on walking. If he wasn't careful he'd end up as batty as the rest of them, Severus shuddered in horror at the thought.

Where ever Albus went that day, he seemed to see Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs, and Ravenclaws eating lemon drops. Some from gleaming tartan tins, others from emerald green bags, that rustled in a way which made Albus's mouth water. It was obvious to Albus that Minerva had given everyone the lemon drops, doubtless with commands to eat them all over school. Whenever Albus tried to approach one of the students, they would hurry off, "Sorry sir, late for class," or "Quidditch practise, Sir, got to go." They would rush off so fast, that he didn't even get a chance, to ask them to share their lemon drops with him. Albus began to wonder if the students were avoiding him on purpose. By lunchtime, the entire school was full of the aroma of lemondrops, everywhere Albus went it tormented him, making his nostrills twitch longingly.

As Albus was leaving the great hall after lunch, he met Ginny Weasley walking along the passage. She didn't seem to be in any great hurry, as she ambled along, sucking on a lemon drop, with a bag full in her hands.

Ah my dear Miss Weasley, not in any particular hurry are you ? Albus said, smiling at her with sparkling eyes.

" Uhm ...No... Sir, " Ginny said, looking a little nervous. Vaguely Albus wondered why she was looking around, almost as though expecting someone to be watching her.

"I don't suppose you'd care to swap those delicious looking lemon drops for a whole bag of choocolate frogs would you ?" Albus asked eagerly.

Ginny blushed slightly and fidgeted uneasily, "I ... uhm ... sorry Sir ...but ..."

Suddenly the bag of lemon drops formed itself into a semblance of Minerva's face, assumed an expression of righteous fury, and bellowed. "Ginerva Weasley, you remember my orders. Don't you dare give Professor Dumbledore any lemon drops."

The entire hallway was filled with the sound of Minerva's voice, it seemed to reverberate round the high ceiling, echoing among the beams. Instinctively Albus and Ginny both clapped their hands over their ears, to shut out the noise.

"And take your hands off your ears when I'm shouting at you !" The bag yelled in outraged tones, then vanished with a loud pop. Albus could have sworn that, the bag was laughing at him as it vanished.

Even though the bag had stopped shouting, the echos of it's bellows could still be heard, and for a couple of minutes, all that Albus and Ginny could do was to wait for their ears to stop ringing, as they stood somewhat stunned.

"Are you all right my Dear ?" Albus finally asked, resisting an urge to shake his head to try, and clear the remaining ringing.

"Oh yes sir" Ginny said, and added, "Sorry about the lemon drops sir."

"Not at all, not at all." Albus replied, valiantly hiding his disappointment. "Here you are my Dear, you have these chocolate frogs." Albus smiled at Ginny as she thanked him, then made her way to classes.

Albus couldn't stand the smell of lemon drops any longer. He didn't want to smell them. He wanted to feel them dissolving slowly in his mouth, to taste the delicious combination of tartness, mingled with just a hint of sweetness. Albus wanted the heavenly pleasure of deciding whether to suck them, or crunch them. Albus groaned, thinking of how close he'd come to having some lemon drops, so near and yet so far.

He had to win his lemon drops back, and to do that he had to win Minerva. A blissfull smile crossed Albus's face, as he remembered how it'd felt to be kissed by her. Albus was desperate for a plan, but with the aroma of lemon drops all around him, he couldn't even begin to think straight. So he decided to take refuge in his office.

Once in his office, and having shut the door extremely firmly, Albus settled himself in a comfortable chair by the fire, and started to think of Minerva. Suddenly his nose began to twitch, and thoughts of Minerva slipped from his mind, as the heavenly aroma of lemon drops invaded his last sanctuary, teasing and tormenting him. Albus tried to shut the scent of lemon out using magic. It should have been easy, but it utterly failed to work, and he began to suspect that this was Minerva's doing. He sighed, he couldn't help but admire her skill and cunning.

Suddenly an idea popped into his head, as he remembered how he'd once watched a muggle film with Arthur Weasley. It'd been an old comedy, something called smackstick, no no, that wasn't it, slap stick, that was it. In the film, the muggles had been plagued by horrible smells, and had used strange wooden pegs on their noses to shut them out. He couldn't really remember what else had happened, it'd been a long time ago. Albus's eyes twinkled merrily, and drawing his wand, he caused a wooden peg to appear on the end of his nose.

"Ouch !" Albus yelped, as he felt the peg squeezing his nose tightly, in it's firm grip. Albus flapped frantically at his nose with his hands, trying to dislodge the peg.

"Ouch! Ouch!" Albus's eyes were starting to water, as the peg seemed to tighten it's grip, his nose was starting to throb unpleasantly.

"Owww! Ouch! Owww!" Albus's wand had become tangled in his robes, his nose felt as if it was on fire. All Albus could do was hop round his office saying Ouch. As he took one particularly large hop, the peg finally flew off his nose. Relieved Albus rubbed his nose, and wondered if it would ever be quite the same again. He was certain that if he just had one lemon drop, his nose would hurt far less._ 'I have to get some lemon drops somehow.' _He thought _'I'm just not the same without them, I'll never think of a way to win Minerva's heart without lemon drops.' _

As the throbbing in his nose eased slightly, Albus had an idea. A merry smile of anticipation spread across his face, he would soon have some lemon drops. It was so simple, he couldn't understand why he hadnt thought of it sooner.

_Author's Notes_

_Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far, reviews are great incentive to keep writing and make writers smile, so please review. _

_Sorry about delay in updating, I thought I was inspired right after putting up chapter 3, scribbled loads of notes, then had a crisis of confidence. Decided I hated most of them, then couldn't decide any more what to use and what not to, I needed to take a break of a couple of weeks to get my head clear. I'm still not sure about this chapter, but it's the best I can do, and it's kind of a build up to chapter five, which I hope will be funnier. _

_I think there will probably be two or three more chapters, mainly humour with a touch of romance. _


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